wingzerosoldier | [rp] But There Are Dreams That Cannot Be

[rp] But There Are Dreams That Cannot Be

War.

It was a terrible thing, that much most everyone could agree on. Some just thought it more necessary than others. However necessary it was or wasn’t, those who decided when there was war, those who instigated it, were responsible for each and every life touched by it, marred by it, taken by it. But how responsible, how guilty were those who allowed themselves to be used as tools?

How guilty was a boy with a detonator for killing a little girl with a yellow flower and a puppy? How guilty was a boy, little more than a child, that had sat in the pilot seat of humankind’s most advanced weapon? No matter his actions that influenced the end of the war; the boy had killed hundreds, thousands. Directly and indirectly. A boy, who could never truly understand the scope of what he had done, could never atone for those sins.

There were no heroes in war, only those who had done enough good among the evil to be recognized as still human.

He said he would never kill again, and yet - what use is a gun that has no target, a soldier who has no enemy, an operative who has no mission?

There was nothing for the boy with no name, no home, no mission. No life left to live, yet he couldn’t die. He couldn’t die with the blood of thousands on his hands. For each life he had taken, it seemed a mockery to give up that precious gift he had stolen. If he forfeit his own life, there was no word to express the cowardice of running from his sins.

He found comfort in Duo Maxwell. Another Gundam pilot, another boy who had his life taken from him by the war, another nameless victim who had to make his own name and his own way. It started sometime between the American pointing a gun at his face and the final moments in the silence of space after the destruction of Libra, but exactly when, he didn’t know. When he realized he had emotions other than guilt. Emotions towards another person that went beyond some extension of self-preservation. Emotions that went beyond the mission and its effects and consequences. Love, Duo had called it, but there was too much blood on his hands for him to accept that he deserved that love. And yet the American had persisted. Everyone deserved a chance, even them. As long as they tried to atone for what they had done, why should they be miserable and throw away the life they’d kept by killing other people?

Sleep didn’t come easy for the once Wing Zero pilot. Even as he lay in the dark, curled around his lover, he could only stare past the pillows to the stars beyond the window. The stars in the darkness that he wished would have swallowed him whole. But no, that was a coward thinking, someone who ran away. When he slept, he dreamed. He killed her often in his dreams - the little girl with the yellow flower and puppy. He hears her laugh a lot, too, before he destroys her, her family, her home, everything she’d ever known. He counted mobile suits in his dreams, but he could never think how many he’d destroyed.

He cried, sometimes, silent sobs that wracked his body and bitter tears that fell into the other’s braid as he slept. Duo had to know. It was hopeful to think he hadn’t woken the ex-02 pilot up with his anguish that sometimes just wouldn’t be reined in. As the days went on, things changed. It wasn’t that love wasn’t there - there was love. Love and guilt; all he had left. But his touch became colder, his gaze became distant, his words became fainter.

He woke up on the floor one night, tangled in the sheets and screaming. Head pressed to the floor and nails digging against the carpet, it had taken every ounce of self-control he had to stop himself. Self-control, and Duo’s crying and begging. He didn’t know how long he screamed, but his throat hurt as he washed his face with water in the bathroom. He came back to find that his lover had remade the bed for them. Neither of them slept the rest of that night, but when Duo stirred from his doze in the light of mid-morning, he found Heero by the front door. He wore his Preventers uniform, his pistol tucked in the back of his waistband under his jacket, and an old, familiar duffel bag sitting next to the welcome mat. He was leaving, he explained. He couldn’t sit in a normal house, with a normal life, and it not feel twisted and undeserved. It wasn’t because he didn’t love Duo, he reassured the other, hand cupping his cheek and brushing back the strands that had escaped his braid. If Duo wanted to wait, he would come back. One day, when he felt he had appeased the ghosts of his conscience. He loved Duo, but living like this was driving him insane. He left after a last kiss, with the promise that when he came back, they would get married like they had talked of.

He was 19 then.

He’s 25 today, dressed sharply in the formal uniform of the Preventers. His hair is unruly as it ever was, bangs low in front of prussian blue eyes. He’s taller now, shoulders a bit broader and held straight. There are murmurs behind him on the street as he walks, but their voices are eclipsed by polished shoes clicking along the asphalt. No one can tell his intent by his expression. It’s entirely neutral, but there’s the glimmer of one with a mission. A look his old lover would know well. Tucked carefully under his arm is a bouquet of 11 roses - red and yellow. Love and new beginnings. His pace slows and he stops in front of the third row house on the street. He looks up at the weather-worn door.

Six years ago, a haunted, gaunt teenager stood in the same spot, looking at the door that had just closed. He had told the door - and the occupant within, a quiet goodbye. Today he greets the same door without words. He’d made sure the resident was the same, a simple check had proved that. He steps forward, and presses the doorbell under the nameplate that says ‘Maxwell’, then steps back.

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That familiar length in his fingers makes him groan softly, well aware of what he was doing to Heero as well as himself by doing this. He liked to spoil the Wing Zero pilot, and always had, and apparently now was no exception. He turns to press a kiss where ever he can as Heero presses in to his hand, acknowledging him and how good this felt.

His body jolts just slightly as Heero teases him, unused to the way Heero's fingers felt so rough against sensitive skin. It takes him a minute to think, though he looks at Heero as he speaks.

"I think I have a small pack of lube in my wallet, just in case... if not I know for sure I have a condom that you can at least use inside out or at first... either way.." Just know he was going to want that thing taken off as soon as he's properly slicked.

He pulls back, eyes alert and expression suggesting he was checking for a moment to make sure he hadn't hurt the other. He nods a bit, and moves to fish Duo's wallet from his jeans pocket on the floor. Instead of checking himself for the lube, he hands the wallet to its owner, and sits back down quietly on the side of the bed.

He's not hurt, other than the throb of his body and of his length in his want and need for Heero. He knows that seeing him again, hearing that he hadn't been able to force himself to be happy while he was gone, had to be hard. At the moment, though, he didn't want to focus on the bad or the detrimental, he wanted to focus on the fact that they were together, and still knew each other so well after six years.

He sits up as Heero hands him his wallet, opening it and fishing in a side pocket. He produces both, shoves the condom back inside, and gives Heero the lube, tossing his wallet to the side. He'd find it later, but right now.... he's more focused on laying back and spreading his legs, opening himself to his partner.

"I want you, Heero."

Heero accepts the little sample packet, and opens it with enough care that it doesn't spill everywhere. He coats his fingers, first, and sets the lube against a fold of the mussed bedsheets so that it doesn't spill.

One finger circles Duo's opening in warning, before slowly, carefully, he pushes inside. The rhythm is slow and almost searching, moving for the right angle that felt the best for the other. He kisses Duo's thigh or the ridge of his hip every once in a while.

Duo sighs as Heero pushes inside of him, relaxed and relatively easy to push open. He's not been a complete saint while Heero was gone, but he hadn't exactly been as voracious and needy as he had been with Heero most of the time, but right now he could feel that rearing its head again already. There's a soft whine as Heero moves and presses against him, hips tipping and pressing against him in order to aid him.

But it seems Heero still know him well, and soon he's gasping and jolting, mewling and pressing back in to Heero again. "Right there, Heero... nnghh.."

Each noise sends a little thrill down his spine. He strokes the spot Duo encourages him to with gentle in and out motions, adding a second finger after a short time.

He remembered well the feel of his once-and-again lover, the faint scent on his skin, the tone of his muscles. All of it had changed, just a little, but he already seemed familiar with it again. His free hand slides up along Duo's waist, his side. Once in a while, he'll glance up for confirmation, the reassurance that he's not doing anything wrong. The ex-pilot finds himself feeling a bit greedy, wanting more and more of those soft, sweet noises he'd only heard in dreams and daydreams for so long now.

Duo's breathing dissolves in to little pants and groans, mewling occasionally, knowing what the little sounds do for Heero. They'd been lovers for so long he'd be a fool not to know, really, hands twisting in the sheets and pulling, head thrown back against the mattress. It feels so good to have Heero again, who seemed to know him inside out, how to touch him and how to make him feel. It's all so good and surreal, and he's biting his lip, eyes hazy with lust as Heero looks up at him, closing as he moans again.

His sides shiver with Heero's touches, slim ribs and waist heaving as he moves to go with Heero's fingers as they slide in and out.

"Yes, baby..."

Yes, Duo still knew how to turn him on as much as possible without even touching him. He wasn't sure if he was doing that well, despite his lover's moans, but that was enough encouragement for him to keep going.

A soft sigh takes place of what otherwise would have been a moan from the ex-pilot, echoing one of Duo's noises. Finally, he briefly moves to stretch him a little more, with three fingers. Once he's sure he won't be too much, the ex-soldier shifts to position himself between Duo's thighs. For a moment, he moves to stroke himself just to make sure he's ready. His blue eyes flicker over his lover's form.

If he wasn't doing well he wouldn't be moaning quite as often as he was, and probably would be pointing out to Heero exactly what he'd rather he do at the moment. He'd had to be bossy, in other romps since Heero's been gone, to get what he wanted and the way he wanted it. But with the Japanese pilot he felt no real discerning need to tell him what to do, groaning and moaning as Heero hit all the right places all over again.

When Heero pulls his fingers free Duo sighs at the loss of fullness, watching Heero as he positions himself between his thighs, taking the moment to gather his hair from underneath of himself and sort of.. throw it over the side of the bed for now. There's no way it will all stay there, depending on his this goes, but for the moment he didn't want it pulled unpleasantly while they were in the heat of the moment. While Heero strokes himself Duo takes the time to look him over as well, hand running down one strong thigh as he looks right back at him, maneuvering himself so that Heero could enter him easily.

"Whenever you're ready, Heero.."

It doesn't take long for him to be almost painfully hard, with Duo moaning like that. In a short time, Heero retrieves the open packet of lubricant, and slicks his arousal with the remaining liquid. He teases the other's entrance briefly with any left on his fingers, and then positions himself. His hands gently set at his lover's hips, and with a slow but smooth movement, he pushes into the other.

The tight heat feels unreal. Even though he had thought about it over his years alone, and had never really forgotten...he didn't remember it being this good. He stops, fully seated, bowed over just a little and brows furrowed a bit. He breathes out the other's name very quietly. As he begins to move, he can tell he'll have to be careful, lest he be overloaded almost immediately.

Absolutely nothing in the six years that they had been apart compared to Heero in the flesh. Even the look of him, now decorated with so many scars and stories, was exciting, the very sight of his lover's body after so long still gave him pangs of deep-seated want. He'd entertained the man whose ring was now lost in an abyss of sheets, but nothing quite lived up to the feeling of Heero Yuy pressing in to your body, so far as Duo is concerned.

He moans, long and low, as Heero presses inside of him, hands gripping at Heero's upper arms. Being filled by Heero... after six long years of waiting for him.. it was well worth having to explain to the man waiting for him why he was leaving and with who. His only plans were to grab what little clothing he had, their photos that he had set aside in a box, and Heero's flowers, and then he would go and never look back.

"Baby... you feel amazing.." He croons, running his hands along Heero's arms, leaning up to kiss him.

A soft sigh that might have been intended as Duo's name again, answers the other's quiet words. Heero leans down, pressing just a bit more securely inside the other, kissing his neck. He suckles the same spot then as if to leave a tiny mark, a silent claim that Duo is his again.

One hand tangles loosely in Duo's long hair, although he's careful not to tug, as he finally begins to move his hips in rhythm, albeit a slow one.

The young man straightens once he's set up a pace, free hand sliding along the other's side. He doesn't seem keen on picking up the pace, although gradually he does press a little deeper, rocking his hips at a slight angle.

Duo sighs, tipping his head to the side as Heero suckles at that spot, not pushing him to move faster, or do much of anything other than what he was already doing. The fact that this was Heero here, touching him and inside of him, was more than enough for the moment. Even though he still has to end the relationship waiting for him at home, he'll gladly do so with Heero's light little mark on his neck, hands touching and tracing Heero's body, his scars and muscles and bone structure - everything.

Duo moves with him, once Heero sets a pace, whining softly as Heero's body presses against his own - pleasure shooting up his spine and through his limbs with each successive push.

"Ah - yes, Heero.." He's glad to see that his lover hadn't lost his touch, fingers digging in to Heero's skin. Eventually he might move a little more quickly, desperately, but right now he's just enjoying it. "Baby.."

His eyes never quite find Duo's eyes, at least not for more than a brief second, but his gaze does roam over the teen's lithe frame, his visible tattoos, the scars he'd gotten. Leaving one hand loosely entangled in Duo's long tresses, the other moving to trace the tattoos and scars he can reach.

His hips move faster, briefly, then slower again, and faster once more. It's not that he's trying to tease his lover, but rather pacing himself. Perhaps it will at least make for different and better sensations. Heero adjusts his hips, pushing in a bit deeper at a slightly sharper angle, pressing down into his lover. And while that self-control he had clung to as his sanity for the past six years, he's remembering, just a little, to let go of it; at least enough to breathe a little heavier.

It would probably take him years to properly map every scar Heero had acquired over the years they'd been apart, but right now Duo is more content to let Heero touch and inspect while he attempts to make this possibly even better for him, fingers trailing up his abdomen to pinch and gently roll his nipples, breathing deteriorating the longer Heero moves.

He's a little quieter than usual, overall, but the sudden increase in pace makes his back arch, a low, loud moan filling the hotel room along with the dull squeak of the bed frame. He's panting as Heero slows back down, leaning up to suck at his neck again, gently biting when he pulls away. "Teasing me-e?" He's almost crooning in to Heero's ear, crying out as that sharp angle sends a euphoric rush through his body, eyes closing and face falling lax in pleasure, compounded by the sound of Heero panting in his ear.

"That's right - ah! Heero.." Another sloppy kiss just below Heero's ear. "Fuck me.. I'm yours.."

The sensation of Duo so tight around him, even with the slow pace; Duo's noises and heavy, uneven breathing; the feel of the other's fingers playing against his nipples...it's already almost too much. Heero's jaw clenches slightly, and his back arches to push his hips flush against his lover's.

When he speaks, it's meant to be an answer to Duo's question. Instead it's a low moan and an utterance of a nickname for his lover, all that long time ago: a soft, affectionate word in Japanese. He breathes heavy and shuddering, having to pause briefly.

"It's been too long," he warns in a low tone next to Duo's ear, before his hips move again. "You'll make me come already."

Duo whines as Heero arches against him, clinging to his lover's body. He not quite as close as Heero for once - that was quite the shock, but damn is he working on him by pushing so deep, and that nickname - it's been nearly six years since he'd last heard it, and usually that was his cue to come. At the moment it sends a jolt through him, and Duo bites his lip as he listens to Heero's heavy breathing.

It's sexy, he's decided, to hear the Japanese man making sounds, considering the last time they were together he'd been so tightly controlled. He wants to make him lose control a little more, wants to make him crazy for him all over again.

So Duo just leans in for a kiss, heavy and slow, working his hips against Heero's. He'd always been a little wicked, but this seemed to be bringing it out in him ten fold. "Then come, baby. And then you can come again, as many times as you want.."

Duo has had six years to work on his stamina - or at least however long he's been with his current partner. Heero has spent six years losing his (sexual) stamina. The situation, everything about it, was just an overload for the ex-Wing pilot.

He answers that kiss willingly, and with only a little of that restraint Duo was doing such a good job at getting rid of. His eyes sink closed, and he utters a quiet grunt as he pushes forward just a little harder.

Truth be told, he wasn't sure just how many times he could go, but he'd bet it would be a few. The hand trailing over Duo's side moves to tease a nipple in return, calloused thumb gently rubbing over the sensitive nub. The other hand, still loosely buried in Duo's hair, moves around him and holds him closer. His angle changes just a bit, and his hips push faster.

Duo groans in to Heero's mouth in return, spreading his legs as wide as he can beneath him to allow the Japanese pilot room to move and press as deeply as possible. His little mewls were quickly becoming wanting, lusty growls and moans, particularly as Heero began pressing a bit harder. More than anything he's seeking to get Heero to let go - to just release himself and have fun, enjoy their alone time together like this regardless of when he's going to come or anything else.

He'd only really had someone to be with for two years, and even then they didn't really have sex often. Usually, it was just when Duo felt like it, when he was too frustrated to put it off any longer by himself. So his stamina isn't really all that great - but it's better than Heero who'd spent six years with nothing.

"Yes - !" He pants heavily, moaning against Heero's ear as he teased his nipple, arching up and in to the touch wantonly. "A-Ah! Fuck! Right there! Fuck me right there, Heero - please.. !" The breathless begging comes next as his angle changes, and soon Duo is gripping his back, scratching lines down the pale skin.

"Give it to me - I wanna come for you.. want you to come for me.."

Duo actually manages to get a small, quiet groan out of Heero at his begging and the feel of the other's nails down his back. His hand goes from the other's nipple to between them, grasping his length. He strokes with quick jerks in time with his thrusts, breathing momentarily becoming uncontrolled.

He utters a soft warning of the other's nickname before his hips jerk forward just a few more times, and he reaches climax with his back arching and a very quiet grunt, jaw tight and eyes closed.

For once Duo is the one exerting special concentration not to come yet, even as Heero strokes him, moaning as Heero presses in to him in that way that screams that he's getting ready to come. A sweet sounding groan is the only noise Duo makes as Heero comes, hand gently sliding down his arm to bring an end to his stroking, lacing their fingers together.

Strangely, he seems to.. burst in to a little fit of the giggles, even as he pants and waits under him for Heero to be a little more coherent. "Ah... that sensation is - really odd, after six years..." Seems like the one at home never got to come inside him, Heero. Congratulations on that. Still, Duo seems to have a plan in mind, gently moving to get Heero to roll over. He knew it probably wouldn't take much to get him to come again, and just as soon as Heero allowed himself to be put on his back... he could get right to riding.

"I want you to come again before I do, baby.."

Heero seems confused, briefly, though it doesn't take him long to figure out. He's not sure if he should apologize; he ends up saying nothing. He shifts to allow himself to be moved, laying on his back before really considering that he doesn't want to be seen like this. He's never liked his partner seeing his face, never mind it being Duo. The Japanese man makes no complaint, however, and just rests his hands on the other's thighs lightly.

Duo typically didn't question the Japanese pilot when it came to whether he wanted his face to be seen or not. But, tonight, even just once, he wants to be able to see Heero's face, to remind himself that it was Heero inside of him, Heero he was moving over, and Heero who was causing all of these sensations as he moved. They're both coated in his hair, sticking to little bits of sweat and perspiration as Duo's his begin to swivel and rotate at first, pressing Heero as deeply as he could manage with a moan. He's teetering dangerously on release, and his body tightens even further around the Japanese pilot.

Duo leans down to kiss him, just once, before he moves away from teasing himself by grinding deeply, instead moving to begin a slow bounce in Heero's lap, drawing him nearly entirely out of himself before pressing back down with a soft little mewl, fingers drawing in to fists against Heero's rib cage, eyes closing to enjoy the sensation and, quite possibly, give Heero a little privacy for the moment.

Don't worry about apologies right now, Heero. First of all he doesn't mind at all, and second he's more focused on getting some for the both of them while he can.

The sensation of Duo so tight around him, so soon after he had come, is enough to illicit a quiet noise. His back arches a little when The other begins grinding down against him, and his breath catches momentarily. His fingers find Duo's hair, stroking through it briefly before one rests on Duo's thigh, and the other wraps loosely around his length. Blue eyes flicker up to indigo, then away again. Once Duo has a bit of a rhythm, he presses his hips up to meet it.

Even Heero's slight little noises illicit a shaking breath out from Duo, as they're more than he's heard in six years, after all. Maybe longer, considering Heero's tight control over himself. At the moment he was quite enjoying his lover's little noises and moans, no matter how unusual they might be. In fact, the rare sounds seem to be getting to him even more, and his hips press forward in to Heero's loose grip and then back against his length.

Duo's back arches in toward Heero as the former Wing Zero pilot's move to meet his own, moaning at the sensation of them moving in harmony again, the soft sound of their skin colliding becoming a bit more solid from time to time.

"Hee-Heero..." Another low whine. "G-God you're gonna make me come so hard.. I can ah-already tell.."

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